Wedding Recap, a Year Later

In looking over the blog and reflecting on the last year I realized that I never did a post about the wedding. The dang blog was originally titled Walk to the Aisle, but I never went over the walk down the aisle. So in honor of our upcoming 1 year wedding anniversary,  I'll do my long past due wedding recap. Since it's been a year the details won't be as fresh as if I'd done this 12 months ago, but here we go.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Alabama 4-H Center

Columbiana, AL

Ceremony at 3:00

I stayed up way too late Saturday night, the night before the wedding, making flower arrangements and finishing up wedding stuff (Andrew had stayed at his parents house). I think I got in bed around 3 am or so, then couldn't fall asleep. Of course. I had a hair appointment around 8:00, but it was on 280 in Chelsea (and we live in Alabaster) so I had to give myself 30 minutes to get there. I woke up, exhausted but excited. I was starving so I stopped at McDonald's to get some coffee and a biscuit. I ended up with a McMuffin, which I took 2 bites of and wanted to pull over and throw up. I felt so sick, then I freaked out thinking I was going to be sick on my much awaited and planned wedding day. I forced down the McMuffin and some water and kept driving. By the time I got to the hair salon I was feeling better and starting to get really excited. The hairdresser and I figured up a different hairdo than the one we had decided on during my hair trial. I wanted something slightly different so we kind of winged it. In the end it wasn't perfect, and I would have made some changes after seeing pictures, but I was happy and felt beautiful.

After my hair was set and done I headed home to start my makeup (I was doing it myself), grab all the flowers, and head to the 4-H Center. The morning was shaping up to be a beautiful day. (Which was a huge relief because the 2 previous nights had been overcast and very chilly). When I arrived the guys were already there and since they had minimal getting ready to do for themselves, I gave directions to them and our wedding coordinator, Amanda, on how to start setting up the reception area. My bridesmaids (Beth, Michele, Shannon and Kristina) arrived over the next 30 minutes and we set up in the girls room to start getting ready. I finished my makeup, the girls got dressed and we had a toast of mimosas.

*All photographs by of Callie Combs Photography*

Andrew and I had decided to do a first look, which we did in the chapel. It was really special to have that moment for ourselves and some time to admire one another. We did pictures, got in some excited kisses and then had the bridal party join us for group photos. After a while we had plenty of good shots, but were running out of time.

Once all the pictures were finished we all headed back to our rooms to freshen up and let the guests arrive. We stuffed ourselves into a few cars and headed to the chapel. After Amanda told us everyone was seated and ready we started lining up. This was it! I waited nervously with my mom for our turn. The bridal party walked down the aisle to The Sound of Settling by Death Cab for Cutie, but the Vitamin String Quartet version.

Amanda gave us the cue and my mom walked me down the aisle to the Vitamin String Quartet's version of Use Somebody by Kings of Leon. Even though Andrew and I had seen each other and it was no big surprise, the emotion got me and I teared up and almost ugly cried. Seeing him standing there, with this look on his face, it was such a strong moment.

 

The officiant, Kelly, started our service, and we were going. He paid remembrance to family members that had passed, specifically my dad. I started tearing up and getting emotional and Andrew just squeezed my hand, gave me a heartfelt look, and I felt better. Kelly had us holding hands and facing each other for what felt like an eternity. I didn't realize how long our ceremony was until we were in the middle of it. We designed it to have elements and wording that we wanted, but didn't know it would be so long! It was all good stuff but we were happy when he said kiss the bride!

 

After we walked out we hid in the car for a few minutes while guests headed down to the pavilion for the reception. We looked at our rings and smiled and kissed and said things like 'I can't believe it' and 'Thank goodness it's over!' (Ok, we were kind of tired of planning it and just wanted to be married already). Once the all of the guests except immediate had emptied the chapel we did family and group pictures.

Andrew and I slipped off to the dressing room to eat and have a few minutes of quiet while guests went to the reception and started eating. Danny with D'Armond Catering did a great job and had a wonderful spread for the guests and had some plates sent up to us. Unfortunately in all of the excitement I never really checked out the reception area to fully take in the atmosphere. That is probably the one regret I have from my wedding day. I wish I had taken 5 minutes to go to the pavilion before any guests arrived to see the full set up, and see what my months of DIY projects had turned into. We don't have a lot of pictures from the reception and sadly none of my handmade, hand painted centerpeices.

When we arrived at the reception we went straight into our first dance, Nothing Like You and I by The Perishers. I shared a dance with Chip and Howard to the song that my dad always sang to me (I Hope You Dance by Lee Ann Womack). Andrew and Tammy danced to Stand by Me and You'll be in My Heart was the song for his mom and him. All of this was MC'd by our wonderful friend and DJ, Joe Biedron. Love him.

We then cut the cake and fed each other a bite. We had previously discussed not smashing cake. I was not on board with it. Lucky for me he didn't want to make me mad ;) I'm so sad that the picture of us cutting the cake has me making a stupid face. Boo. The cake was awesome, but in our excitement neither one of us had a single piece after the initial bite.

After cake Andrew, myself, and our two photographers, Callie and Josh, ran down to the pier to take some sunset shots on the lake. We didn't get any of the actual sunset, but we did have some beautiful lighting.

We went back to the pavilion, and at that point it was time to dance, mingle and have fun!

That's about where my pictures end, but the day didn't end there. We danced and drank and talked and had a great time. We did the garter toss, which ironically my cousin Jamie caught, and the bouquet toss which my sister Alyssa caught. Luckily she's in a long term, committed relationship so maybe the saying will be true. In reality we had a relatively small wedding (about 50 people I think) and a very small sample of unmarried [and willing] participants.

What I can't show in pictures or fully express in words is how awesome our reception was. After it got dark Joe turned on lights that he'd set up all around the pillars of the pavilion. We had glow sticks out for our exit, but a few people had grabbed them to dance with. Then it started raining. Not pouring, but a steady light rain. It tapered on and off for a while, but we didn't stop. We literally had a raving dance party in the rain at our wedding. It was awesome. Dancing in the dark, under the rain with my favorite people was so cool. I may be a dancer, but I'm not a social dancer. Ballet is more my style. But the excitement [and wine] loosened things up and I was out there shakin my tail feathers with the best of them. I wish I had some pictures of this. So much fun and such an amazing memory.

We wrapped up the night with one last dance to Ray LaMontagne's You Are the Best Thing. Our grand exit was complete with glow sticks. The glow sticks were really cool, until someone threw one and it smacked me in the head. Ouch. Bill and Beth had painted our car and Bill had strung Christmas lights throughout the car. They plugged into the cigarette lighter and gave a very festive feel.

*All photographs curtsey of Callie Combs Photography* 

And that, my friends, is our wedding recap. Oh and somewhere in there Andrew's brother, Matthew, had to run back home and got pulled over for speeding. When he explained to the officer what was going on, he got a police escort. Yea, talk about luck and a nice guy!

During all the planning I heard how fast the day would go by, to stop and soak it up, enjoy the moment. It's all true. A year's worth of planning gone in a flash. Our wedding was awesome. We got near perfect weather, a beautiful venue, great friends and family to share it with. It wasn't about the money we spent, the level of decorations, size of the bouquet, cost of my dress (which by the way, was a major steal), or how extravagant the whole thing was. It was about celebrating our love, making a commitment to each other, and doing it with our favorite people on Earth. While I can look back and pick out a few nit picky things that I would change or do differently, none of it really matters. I married my best friend, and the perfect match for me. And I wouldn't change that for the world.

Hannah: 1 Month

Somehow 1 month has passed since Hannah's birth. Talk about flying by. So much has happened in the last 30 days. On one hand it feels like I was just in the hospital getting ready to meet her, but on the other hand it feels like ages since I was confined to the hospital bed and drugged up on magnesium sulfate. So much has happened for me, our family and our new little lady.

Birth, 10 days in the NICU, coming home, learning a new [semi] routine, first kickball game, visiting Grandma, Aunt Stina and Aunt Beth, first trip to the doctor, baby's first day at the office, helping Daddy buy a car, more than 1 trip to Target, a few restaurant visits, first cold, lots of movies and football games, licks from the dog, a few too many snap shots by Mommy, first professional photo shoot, etc etc.

My dear Hannah,

At 1 month old we have no schedule. You came home at 10 days old and the first few days we were driving blind, and I was kind of going at it alone. I brought you home by myself when you were released from the NICU because Dad had to work a double shift. He had to work extra the next week to make up for all the time he'd had off while I was in the hospital for 6 days. We could have been released a day sooner but we opted for the extra day to be close to you.

To be honest, neither your dad nor I have done any reading on how to actually raise a baby. I ordered some books that should be here sometime next week, but for the most part we are just winging it. You have no schedule. You eat when you're hungry, sleep when you're tired. Once the books come in and I do some research we will start trying to be more scheduled and uniform with our daily routine. For now we are going day by day. Dad has been working a lot so for the most part it's just been the two of us. But when he is here he's great and does as much as possible to be with you and so I can rest.

We tried breast feeding and it just didn't work out for us. At 3.5 weeks I abandoned the plan and we have been happily formula feeding since. Some people may poo-poo me for that, but I'm ok with it. At first you were a lazy feeder at the breast. You'd gotten used to the ease of a bottle. Every now and then you'd latch and feed great, but for the most part you fell asleep more than anything. You would latch and unlatch repeatedly which was both painful and frustrating. The day before you came home from the hospital I had some engorgement issues and early symptoms of mastitis that required antibiotics. My supply dropped off considerably after that and you never seemed satisfied and would get frantic whenever I tried to breast feed. So I pumped and supplemented with formula for our bottle feeds. This worked but was exhausting. I still wasn't producing enough milk so I tried a few natural remedies to increase my supply (fenugreek, mother's milk tea, I bought ingredients for 'Lactation Cookies' but never got around to making them). They worked and my supply increased, but led to my second bout of engorgement with flu-like symptoms that made it very hard to care for you. I decided that it wasn't worth the frustration, tears and sickness it was causing and I was still having to use formula for over half of every feeding anyway. Since then we are 100% on formula and 100% enjoying life more. Now I sit and watch you eat with a content look on your face. I enjoy it now. It's been a game changer. I agree that breast milk would be better, but formula isn't the end of the world. You'll still be big, smart and strong. It is what works for us and our family, so poo-poo to anyone that doesn't respect that.

We've gotten to know you and some of your habits. You are either making a fist with your thumbs tucked on the inside, or your fingers are all straight out and usually near your face. Just like the ultra sound pictures. You eat every 2-3 hours and let us know when you're hungry. You are so messy. We have to put a bib and burp cloth under your chin and you still get your cloths wet. When we start putting something under your chin you get so excited because you know what's coming. You open your mouth wide, shake your head from side to side and make these ravenous sounds that are half grunt half begging. It's hilarious. You still get the hiccups all the time, just like when I was pregnant. You don't seem to mind them thankfully.

You love the bouncy seat Teresa got for you. Particularly the vibrate and music function. We can turn these on and you usually will get quiet pretty quickly. It's been a life saver. I can put you in it and work, eat, take a shower or do chores. You will sit in the swing, but you really don't care for it nearly as much as your vibrating seat.

You are kind of torn on swaddling. You prefer being able to straighten your legs and having one arm free, but once you get past the initial frustration of a full, regular swaddle you seem to sleep better. We only swaddle you at night and during the day allow you full use of your arms and legs. It's pretty funny because your startle reflex is in full swing.

Sidney is turning out to be a great older sister/dog nanny. She was really interested and concerned when you first got home. Overly interested. She's now calmed down and gotten used to you. She still wants to lick you pretty often and when you cry she comes running to check things out. She'll sniff you, take a look and once she's sure you're ok she will lay down nearby. It's pretty cute. Stella totally ignores you. She acts as though you don't even exist. Rico doesn't seem to mind you, but he isn't too interested. He likes to lay next to you if he's being petted. I guess you kicked him enough while I was pregnant that he's used to wiggling while he's laying on me.

We've done a couple of trips to Grandma's house to visit her and Kristina. Mainly on Saturdays when Daddy is working all day and we get bored and lonely. Aunt Stina loves you! We went and watched Dad play kickball one night (they lost). At your 2 week check up you were 1 oz off from your birth weight. We had a little issue with constipation but have gotten that cleared up. You've had a clogged tear duct that's given you a goopy eye off and on for the last 2.5 weeks. Some days it's clear and great then other days it's all gunky and we have to keep wiping it with a warm washcloth.

You came home 2 days before my birthday, which was the best present ever. I was pretty darn tired but it was worth it. We also did our first family outing that day. We went to Target and had dinner at O'Charleys then cake at Grandma's house. You had your first play date with Elliot, a friend we've made that was also a preemie here in Birmingham.

You think the best time to be alert is around midnight or 1 am. Guess we should read those parenting books, huh? You've been a night owl like Mommy and Daddy so far. You sleep in a beautiful cradle in our room that Grandpa built for you. Sometimes you fight sleep in the cradle so I take you out and lay you in bed with me. You fall right asleep. We didn't plan on sharing the bed but sometimes it's the only way to get you to sleep.

We love you so much and are having such a good time getting to know you. These extra 4 weeks have been so special!

love,
Mommy

1 week

2 weeks

3 weeks

4 weeks

NICU Baby

Since my sweet Hannah was born 5 weeks prematurely there were 2 NICU nurses waiting in the operating room for her arrival. After Dr. Rodriguez pulled out a crying baby she was handed over to Kerri and another nurse whose name I did not catch. These nurses were specialized for Neonatal Intensive Care. After Andrew snapped a couple of pictures and I got a quick look and a kiss, Hannah was whisked away to the NICU for observation. Andrew was able to carry her from the OR to the NICU. Originally (from my understanding) they didn't think she was too bad off. Yes, her lungs were underdeveloped and they had her in an oxygen 'bubble' for about an hour after birth. I don't know if this was to buy them time to prepare a more involved set up or if they genuinely thought she didn't need more intervention. But when my mom and Kristina went to see her she had minimal wires and tubes, mainly just a bubble.

A while later Donna, the nurse practitioner for the NICU, came to our room to discuss Hannah and her situation. We were given the estimate of a 2 week stay in the NICU. Despite being a heavy weight for a 35 weeker (she was 6 lb 5 oz while the average for her gestational age is about 5 1/2 pounds), her lungs were severely underdeveloped. She fell into a category of about only 10% of 35 week babies that have Respiratory Distress Syndrome. This is a lung disorder where surfactant, the liquid that coats the inside of the lungs and helps them stay open and move smoothly while breathing, is lacking. Without surfactant the baby has to work harder to breath, and in Hannah's case this was seen in her rapid, shallow breaths, grunting while trying to breath, and severe pulling in her chest muscles where she was having to pull hard for a good breath and the lungs were sticking.

We were told she had been put on a CPAP to help push additional air into her lungs and was delivering about 45% oxygen to her. She was being watched closely and if her breathing became any more labored they would intubate her (tube down her throat into her lungs to help inflate them) and surfactant would be added through the intubation. Thankfully it never got to that, and babies generally produce their own surfactant about 2-3 days after birth.

In addition to the CPAP she had an OG tube (orgastric tube) [the orange tube in her mouth being held down with tape] that delivered food into her belly and also helped suck out some air bubbles and gunk that were in her stomach. She had an IV to deliver iv fluids that kept her fed and hydrated for first bit of life. I don't think they introduced colostrum or formula into her OG tube until she was almost 48 hours old. The IV started in her foot but preemie veins are very small and weak and don't last very long, so she went through quite a few iv locations. She also had 2 lines going into her umbilical stump, one in a vein and one in an artery. These made blood draws easier (they were testing her blood gas levels every few hours) among other uses. The UVC (line in the umbilical vein) began inching into her liver so it was pulled after about 24 hours. She kept the UAC (umbilical artery catheter) for a little over 2 days. We were advised and consented to the insertion of a PIC line if need be. This would be a central line going into a main vein in her arm that would be longer lasting than the regular IVs that don't last very long. Again, like with intubation, we were lucky and thankful the PIC line was never needed. She also wore leads that continuously monitored her heart rate, breathing rate and oxygen saturation. She was hooked up to quite a few things. She also went through 2 days of photo therapy for high bilirubin levels, but this is extremely common in preemies.

Because of the magnesium I was on and being unable to walk, I wasn't able to see her until about 30 hours after her birth. And when I did see her, we couldn't hold her and were barely allowed to touch her. They wanted to keep her as unstimulated as possible to give her a chance to rest, sleep and recover.

Seeing her was a shock to my system. She was on her back and her breathing issues were more pronounced since we were able to see the forceful breaths she was taking and hard rise and fall of her chest. Even though I had heard what was going on, seeing my baby hooked up to so many monitors, tubes and lines and the struggle she had to take simple breaths of air was just heartbreaking. I cried. I apologized that I wasn't able to stay pregnant longer. I hugged Andrew and cried again. He had been visiting her throughout the day so he had see the machines and strained breathing already. I wasn't mentally or emotionally prepared for it. I trusted the NICU staff and believed that she would improve, but was fearful in that the first 72 hours are the hardest, and most dangerous for preemies.

On Friday, 9/12, they started giving her my breast milk through the OG tube. They gave her 10 cc of whatever I could provide and supplemented with a preemie formula for the rest, every 3 hours. She immediately seemed more relaxed and happier. The next day it was 20 cc. Then Sat night it was 30 cc. Sunday it was up to 40. I couldn't keep up! She was handling the feedings so well they increased her to what a full term baby would be eating at her age.

I finally got to hold her Saturday evening. We weren't expecting to be able to hold her for a while, but they removed the UAC Saturday morning, and transitioned her from the CPAP to a nasal cannula that evening. With these changes they felt she was stable and strong enough to be held. Andrew was taking a milk delivery down to the NICU for a quick drop off when the nurse asked if he wanted to hold her. Knowing I hadn't held her yet (and he had) he told the nurse we would love to, but he needed to get Mommy first! I was so surprised and excited it took everything I had to not run down the hall to her. And with a 4 inch incision and a bunch of stitches, that would have been a bad idea. I collected my emotions and we headed down.

I was discharged on Sunday, Sept. 14. Leaving the hospital without a baby was one of the hardest and most emotional things I've ever done. I cried, multiple times. It was great to be home, but a major piece of me was missing. We hung out at the hospital for the day and got as many cuddles as we could before leaving.

The entire NICU stay we were warned that it was all on her time table. She could do great breathing, but then get to the eating part and take weeks to learn it. One of the hardest things for babies to do, preemies in particular, is suck, swallow and breath at the same time. For a baby with lung issues, this can be a real hurdle. Not for our Hanny. This girl had plans of her own. She sabotaged an iv one day, so they decided to remove it and monitor her. She kept her glucose levels up for 3 feeds so they decided she no longer needed the iv fluids. They introduced a bottle a day or so later to see how she did. They moved her OG tube to her nose (making it a NG tube) to faciliate bottle feedings. A day later she pulled out the NG tube when a nurse had her back turned. Again the practioner decided to go with it and see how she did under close supervision. Hannah took every bottle feeding like a champ, showing she didn't need the NG tube anymore.

Wednesday, 9/24 when she was 1 week old they decided to let me attempt breast feeding. Getting milk from the breast requires a lot more work than from a bottle, so we didn't expect a whole lot. The hospital Lactation Consultant (LC) came to help us and worked with Hannah and me to have a successful first feeding. I came back that night to try again and she had no interest, but that was ok. We knew she wouldn't do perfectly every time. Thursday morning I returned and tried again with minimal success. But she had been doing so well they offered us the option to 'room in' with Hannah that night. 

Rooming in meant we stayed at the hospital in a room next to the NICU, with Hannah in our room as a trial run. She still had her heart rate and breathing monitors (3 small leads attached to her chest that ran to a small monitor), but we got to experience having a baby around! She also got to meet her grandparents from Florida, Andrew's dad and step-mom.

Mommy's 1st diaper change

 We got very little sleep that night, as expected. Partially because we had a baby with us, and partially because her monitors were acting up and going off all night for no reason. I thought Andrew might throw the display box out of the window! Despite a rough start with me getting the chills, running a fever and general flu like symptoms (yay engorgement/mastitis!) things calmed down and we made it. We took Hannah back to the NICU nursery early the next morning so I could go to the doctor and we could spend some time with Howard and Tammy.

Andrew had to work a double the next night so I returned alone for night 2 of rooming in and we had a girls slumber party. We both got more sleep that night. We also got the exciting news that she would be released Saturday afternoon! After a visit from Howard and Tammy that evening we tucked in, got some rest and geared up for an exciting Saturday! The NICU was really busy with an influx of babies so they didn't get her discharge paperwork ready until about 2:00 pm. We waited around to see if Andrew would be allowed to leave work for a short while to be a part of baby going home. Sadly CCF was understaffed and he didn't get to make it, so around 4:00 pm Hannah and I loaded up, and headed home.

After 10 long days in the NICU, our girl was being released. I was so excited and nervous all at once. Since Andrew had to work it was just us. When I got in the car a song by Drake was playing and the chorus goes something like "just hold on,we're going home. Going home." It was so fitting.

So there ends our NICU journey. 10 long days. Hannah dominated every obstable she encountered and did it faster than most of us expected. The nurses and doctors who took care of her when we couldn't changed our lives forever, and we are so grateful to them. She came home Saturday evening, just in time for my 29th birthday that following Monday!

Her Birth Story

I better get this in writing before any of the details slip away. This will be detailed. 

When my memory fails I want to be able to look back and remember.

On Tuesday, Sept 9, 2014 I had one of my routine, twice weekly prenatal appointments. I went in knowing my blood pressure had steadily been creeping up. My doctor said she was becoming less comfortable with me continuing the pregnancy. I was at risk and as we would be 35 weeks the next day, Hannah should have reached a point in gestation where most risks would be behind us. I told Dr. Rodriguez that if we were going to call it and be done I was ok with it. It had been almost 6 weeks since my hypertension problems started. We had gone farther than most people, including my doctor and myself, thought was possible. If it was time to graduate from pregnant to motherhood, I was at peace. I knew I would never make it to 40 weeks, but I was satisfied with 35.

The decision was made, I was instructed to head to the hospital, but given the ok to go home to get my final things together and wait for Andrew to get off work. A few hours later he got home, we loaded up the car, and headed to Shelby Baptist Hospital in Alabaster. We were assigned to room 10 in the back corner of the U shaped L&D unit, which we came to love because it was a quiet spot on the super busy unit. We settled in around 5:00 pm, met our nurse, Cathy, who is actually my friend Michele's step mother. We had a built in friend and person looking out for us which was great. Once we were in they started an iv for fluids, drew blood for lab work, fetal and contraction monitors were attached to my belly, blood pressure cuff on my arm and filled us in on what to expect.

Because my blood pressure was high (averaging about 160/105) I would be started on magnesium sulfate to prevent seizures. I would get a large initial dose called the "loading dose," then be on a continuous "maintenance dose" for a minimum of 24 hours after delivery. Because I was being started on the 'mag' I would have blood work done every 6 hours to make sure I wasn't getting too much. Magnesium can have a lot of side effects, and they are all pretty awful. During the loading dose I felt like I was on fire. I would feel a heat wave started at the base of my neck and travel down my body stopping at my butt. This continued for the duration of the loading dose, probably about 15 minutes. Because I felt like I was burning up I was shedding covers and still uncomfortable. Once the initial dose was administered and I was on the maintenance drip I thought, 'hey, this isn't too bad.' That would change quickly. One thing about magnesium is that it builds in your system. The more you have, the more you'll begin to feel the effects.

In order to get my body ready for labor since it was not prepared at 35 weeks, I was given Citotec, a cervix ripener, 3 times with each dose 4 hours apart. The first dose went in about 6 pm Tuesday, and by 6:00 Wednesday morning it was time to start Pitocin. Part of starting pitocin was being cut off from food and anything more than ice chips starting at midnight. They start Pit on the lowest dose (I think it was 2) and slowly increase it to the max dose, 30, depending on how your body and baby respond.

After being on magnesium for so long I was in what I've heard termed 'mag drag.' I had to have a catheter because I was a fall risk and no longer allowed to walk. I couldn't keep my eyes open. I could barely carry on a conversation. I fluctuated between burning up and freezing cold. I looked and felt like a heroin addict going through the nods. My mom and sister came to visit and I apologized and had Andrew explain that I could have about half of a conversation, but I couldn't keep my eyes open. Doctors and nurses would come in to check on me or explain something and I probably looked like I was totally unable to make an informed decision. In part this was true. Andrew was pretty much in charge and my go-to. I often pointed to him and asked him to speak for me. I have to say the worst part, by far, of my entire labor experience was being on magnesium. It was a game changer.

Dr. Rodriguez came to check my progress around 5:30 pm on Wed, 9/10 and said if I had progressed to even 3 or 4 cm we would continue forward and try for a vaginal delivery. I told her I hoped I hadn't made progress because I knew that I did not have it in me to attempt a vaginal birth. I was worn down both physically and mentally. And it's not like I'd been pushing for hours, but I was drained. She checked me and I had done aboslutely nothing. I was barely 1 cm. The magnesium is a fine muscle relaxer, given to relax the brain and prevent seizures (it's also given to prevent or stall preterm labor) and it had been cancelling out the pitocin I was being given to begin labor. My nurse said we could do this all night long and likely see no increase in dilation. It was like banging our heads against the wall and expecting a different result. With the news that my body was not moving foward, the decision to do a c-section was made.

From the time my doctor said c-section to the time I was on the operating table was less than an hour. Things went into hyper drive. A nurse anesthetist came in to explain everything involved with the spinal block procedure and to have me sign paperwork. Andrew was handed scrubs, I was taken off all of my wires and attachments and they started wheeling my bed out of the room. That ride was so surreal. I was so out of it, it was happening so fast, and I didn't fully know what was about to happen. I didn't really understand we were about to meet Hannah. Andrew was left out in the hall while they prepped me for surgery. I was wheeled into a brightly lit room that was much smaller than I would have expected. The sun was shining through a window high on the wall. "A beautiful day to have a baby," someone said. I had to transfer myself from my bed to the operating table. I thought they were joking. I hadn't moved from my bed in 24 hours. And now I had to scoot my dead-weight body one foot to the right. It seemed a monumental task. At this point I started asking where my husband was. He was still waiting in the hallway. Thankfully I managed to transfer to the table and was then instructed to hunch forward to receive the spinal block. This is similar to an epidural, except instead of a catheter being inserted and delivering continuous medicine in the lower back this is one shot of super powerful medicine that lasts about an hour to an hour and a half. It also numbs from breast down instead of waist down. They found the right spot, administered the shot and then laid me down rapidly. Pretty much immediately I felt a wave of heat come over my legs, then numbness, then nothing. It's like they were no longer there. My arms were laid out on either side of me and lightly taped down so I couldn't grab the blue curtain or sabotage surgery halfway through. Once I was numb and in place they let Andrew in.

I was prepped and ready. It was go time. I'd been warned in my groggy state that I would feel like I couldn't breath since my chest was pretty much paralyzed. They were right. I couldn't breath. Except I could. I was mentally telling myself, 'you're ok. you can breath.' They had an oxygen mask on me and I laid there, so out of it. Andrew was on my left side holding my hand and rubbing my palms. I was so tired I couldn't even rub his hand back. The anesthetist talked constantly, keeping light hearted banter going to calm Andrew and myself. He would have me squeeze his hand every now and then to make sure I could. My blood pressure was checked every 2 minutes or so. A few times I felt like I was going to throw up because of a blood pressure drop. They were giving me medicine for it and monitoring me so closely they knew I felt sick before I did.The incision was made and they told us it was almost time.

"Lots of pressure." Then crying. Lots of crying. I heard Hannah make her debut at 6:24 pm on September 10, 2014 with forceful cries. They called Andrew over to see her. I laid there listening to my baby and felt tears streaming down my cheeks. Through the haze of magnesium I could hear her. She was here. And she sounded healthy. Just replaying the sound now makes me cry again. They brought her over to me and let me look for about a minute and give her a kiss. She was beautiful. She was all bundled up and smooshed and so sweet. I have to admit the sound of her crying and that emotion sticks with me more than seeing her. I don't know why, probably thanks to the magnesium, but hearing her was more real than seeing her.

Andrew was able to take a couple of pictures of her and follow the nurses down to the NICU. Because she was a preemie the nicu nurses were on hand and ready for her. Off they went and I remained on the table, open, feeling like I couldn't breath and needing to throw up. I tried to throw up multiple times. But when your abdomen is paralyzed, you can't really vomit. My throat tried and I ended up just doing ridiculous motions that probably looked like a frog trying to catch a fly. They stitched me up, assured me the scar would be beautiful and barely noticeable and that I would be in a bikini in no time. Luckily I was not responsible for transferring back into the bed! I was put in bed, wrapped up and wheeled back into my room. My mom and Kristina were in the room when I got there, but I don't remember if I beat Andrew or if he was already there. We had decided no matter what he would stay with Hannah during her transition to the NICU. By then the magnesium had started to let up so I got about an hour of a semi-clear head. I had the shakes and was shivering uncontrollably and it felt really weird to not feel my lower body, but I'd take that over the mag.

She was here. I couldn't see her yet though. She was admitted to the NICU and I was left in my room to recover, be rehooked to the magnesium drip, and heal. Andrew, my mom and Kristina went down to peak at her in the NICU and assured me she was beautiful, brought back pictures and bits of information. Her lungs were underdeveloped, but her size was good. 18 inches and 6 lb 5 oz. That weight for a 35 week baby is big! I'd be scared to know what her full term weight would have been. It would be a few hours before we got a real update on her health from the nurse practitioner for the NICU.

I stayed in the hospital for another 4 days, allowing myself to heal and be as close to Hannah as possible. Her NICU stay is an entire other post, for another day. My birth experience isn't what I was expecting, but it brought me Hannah. The c-section wasn't bad and recovery has really been fairly easy. The magnesium was the only real negative to the birthing aspect (not counting NICU issues). But we are 2 weeks in with a healthy baby and how she got here just isn't as important as her being here with me as I type this. She was not concerned with blog posts.

Pregnancy: 34 Weeks and Bed Rest

Today we hit the marker my doctor didn't think we would make -- 34 weeks pregnant. When the GH (gestational hypertension) started almost 5 weeks ago she was highly skeptical that I'd make it to this point. The earlier in pregnancy that GH strikes, the faster it usually develops. We got about 3 really good weeks where I maintained at an almost normal blood pressure, then in the last 1.5 weeks it's started creeping up again so I was ordered to official bed rest. Bummer. But it really makes a big enough difference that we are hopeful we can keep Hannah incubating a while longer. My blood pressure measures about 155/100 when I'm sitting or standing, but if I lay down on my side or recline it drops to about 130/90 or less. So as of last Tuesday I am off work and off my feet until the little lady makes her debut. Thank goodness for Netflix and HBO!!

At the doctor this week we discussed our long term goals and decided that if anything changes in my symptoms (blood pressure increases, won't stay below 160/110 for any period of time, lessened fetal movement, protein in urine, headache, seeing spots, etc) we would induce immediately. Because we are past the major danger zone of preemie-hood there is much less risk in her coming now. If my situation worsens she would benefit more from being delivered rather than living in hostile conditions inside me. If nothing changes we will induce when I hit 37 weeks which would be Sept 24, give or take a day, depending on the doctor's schedule. We will set an official date this Friday. So as of now we know that Miss Hannah will be joining us on the outside within 3 short weeks. Holy cow. Didn't I just find out I was pregnant?!? Cue mini freak out.

Of course we are extremely excited, but faced with the reality of such little time it's a little surreal. This pregnancy has gone by really quickly. Especially since we will have 3 less weeks to prepare than most people. But we are so grateful we have made it to this point when many thought we wouldn't. The difference in her growth and development between now and when GH started at 29 weeks is huge. If born at 34 weeks she would be looking at a NICU stay of about 2 weeks instead of 2 months. We are hoping I can go to 37 weeks and almost assuredly be able to bring her home immediately, but we will roll with whatever happens. 2 weeks is a manageable amount of time.

How far along: 34 weeks!

Symptoms:  I walk really slowly these days. Partially because my body just doesn't move fast, partially because I'm trying to take it easy. It's close to being considered a waddle. I have very little room left in my body for my own organs so I get full very fast and never quite have a good deep breath. I can also feel my heart beat, almost like it's racing. The doctor assured me this is normal and due to cramped space and not high blood pressure. I get heartburn pretty easily, but a few tums usually does the trick.

Sleep: It takes a long time to fall asleep. I've started taking a half dose of benadryl the last few nights to help knock me out. Restless leg syndrome is about the most annoying thing ever. I have to pee every 1.5-2 hours, and getting in and out of bed and comfortable is no easy task. Rolling over is like an inchworm movement. Little by little. I never bought a pregnancy pillow so I use multiple regular pillows. Sadly this pushes Andrew out of bed most nights. He says he has more room on the couch. I feel bad but there's not a lot I can do to help it. Since I'm on bed rest I usually sleep in now because it helps pass time and I'm on my side, so double win. Figure I better sleep while I can before she's here!

Clothes: Another side effect of bed rest is less reason to get dressed in presentable clothes. Hence pajamas and house clothes. I try to put on a little makeup to make myself feel better and a little nicer to look at for Andrew. Figure if I'm laying around all beached I should try a little to look semi-attractive while doing it. haha

Cravings/Aversions: I don't get a whole lot of my cravings fulfilled these days since I'm stuck at home, but that's probably for the best. Andrew ran me up to the bank today and I did request a chocolate cake pop from Starbucks, so we stopped, got one for each of us and left. 2 bites in I realized there was wax paper inside of it. So we turn around to exchange it. Bite into the new one while sitting there and there's paper inside it. Bummer! Best guess is the batch was messed up somehow. So they trash the rest of the chocolate cake pops and I got a birthday cake one. Well it just tasted bad, so I never did get my craving fill of cake pop. That's what I get I guess! No aversions to anything really. Cold water is amazing, particularly around 5 am when my bladder needs it the least. But I wake up so thirsty and figure my body needs it so I chug away.

Movement: My body might not agree with pregnancy, but it does not seem to make a difference to this little girl at all. I have to get non-stress tests every week to check Hannah to make sure it isn't putting stress on her and every week the doctor comments on what a happy and active baby she is. Dr. Rod said, "She's always so happy and cheerful, just like her momma." Awww, thanks doc. But she's definitely a mover and shaker. She knows when the monitor is on her or when an ultra sound is going on because she starts moving and kicking the machine. Lots of wiggling, pushing out, tickling and hiccups these days. When she's pushing out I can push back at that spot and she'll pull back, then push out again. Stubborn already or just playful? She is very easy to feel from the outside these days. Last night Andrew and I were kind of cuddled on the couch and his forearm was resting against the side of my stomach. He could feel her kicking from just barely touching me. She's a strong little thing!

Random: She has started responding to the water hitting my stomach in the shower. We don't have a bath tub (2 showers instead) so I'm not sure how she'd act with that, but the warm water hitting my belly gets her going. She's had the hiccups a lot in the last 2 weeks. Guess she's practicing lots of breathing and sucking in there. That's a good thing!! After my baby shower last weekend there were about 8 of us hanging out talking in the living room at my moms so it was kind of loud. Despite it being a time when she usually sleeps the action woke up her. She knew there was a rowdy crowd hanging out and she wanted to be a part of it so she started going crazy. Everyone got a chance to feel some really strong kicks. Kristina held my stomach for about 10 minutes in amazement at how strong and active she was. Also the ultra sound technician is still saying she has lots of hair!

Her immune system started really developing last week and is no longer relying solely on the placenta, so if she comes now she has the basis to protect herself. We are past the point of requiring steroids to develop her lungs for early delivery. At 34 we are really passed the real danger zone for preemies. What a relief!! She would still be considered a preemie until 37 weeks, but she would fair pretty well from here on out. Woohoo!!
 
Baby Size: She's measuring about 5 to 5.5 pounds and approximately 18 inches long. One app said honeydew and one said cantaloupe. Either way, that's an oddly shaped baby!

Just under 3 weeks until we meet our little girl!!!

Pregnancy: 31 Weeks

So we all know by now that I've been diagnosed with gestational hypertension (GH). This stinks, but there's nothing we can do to reverse it. It's stabilized for the time being, so all we can do is keep up a super healthy diet, no stress, limited activity, and hope it holds out for another 9 weeks, 4 weeks minimum. Each day counts, so we're taking things one day at a time. And if you have a stressful story, don't tell me until after Hannah is born. I divert all important or potentially stressful decisions to Andrew.

How far along: 31 weeks

Symptoms: For the first time in probably 5 months my knee pain is lessening! This is huge guys. I have had so much trouble with the ligaments around my knees. I don't know when or what the turning point was, but they have drastically improved over the last few weeks. It gives me hope that I won't have life long knee problems, because that definitely crossed my mind after months of pain that only seemed to worsen. Heartburn/indegestion isn't as frequent, which doesn't really make sense, but I'm not complaining. I only get it occasionally now. Braxton Hicks contractions still occur, but again not too often.

Sleep: I'm having more and more trouble falling asleep at night, and this isn't helped by the fact that my little lady has decided that play time starts once I lie down. It could be for a nap, early bedtime, late bedtime. Doesn't matter. When I get comfortable and try to ease off into la la land, she ramps up the action, and doesn't slow things down for a while. Girl friend may be a night owl like her mommy and daddy. I'm not having as much trouble getting comfortable which is a blessing. I've found a few sweet spots that work well. Turning over in the middle of the night is a joke. It's a process, and not a simple one. It involves inching my body little by little to rotate from one side to the other. When I wake up every 2 hours to use the rest room I make some awesome sound effects getting out of the bed. Sidney usually looks concerned for me haha. I've been propping pillows behind me so I don't wake up on my back as often, and when I do I don't worry about it, just readjust and go (try to go) back to sleep.

Clothes: Skirts that have the high waist that fold down, those are awesome. Except I don't fold them down. I pull them up high, all Erkle-style and it is so comfortable. As soon as I get home I'm in house shorts and a tank top. Hot flashes have set in so even in shorts and tanks it's still too hot.

Cravings/Aversions:  My fountain soda and hash brown cravings have been put to a sudden end. This is sad, but better for myself and Hannah. It has been replaced with cravings for bananas and fudge swirl ice cream (it's low in sodium and a small bowl can't hurt!). I've been drinking more water than ever before in my life, and it's so good.

Movement: Within the last 2 weeks she has really stepped up her game. Some days it's near constant movement. In the last month she has rotated her body 3 times. She's been head down for about a month, but she keeps doing 180s and changing the side her body is on. Last Friday her spine was on the right side, then over the weekend she turned and by Monday her spine was on the left side again. She's supposedly running out of room, but apparently there is still room to turn. Working on her piques maybe? She also jabs, wiggles, spasms, and pushes out at random times. It's like she takes her foot and just presses her little 3 and a half pounds against my stomach. She's stopped responding to ice cream. I guess if you have a little every night they become immune to it? :)

Random: She's a strong, sassy little booger! At our ultra sound last week (because of the GH diagnosis we are getting weekly ultra sounds, which I'm not complaining about!) she was flipping us off. Ok, it could have been her index finger, but it's funnier to think it was her middle finger. You be the judge. We figure if she comes early as expected she'll need that spunk to get her through a NICU stay, so we won't get onto her just yet for her rebellion. The US tech also thinks our girl will have a head full (or maybe just a mullet) of hair! What's your guess, a little blondie or a brunette? Andrew and I both think she'll be blond, but he says because we think that she will automatically be a brunette.

Baby Size: This week she weighs about 3.5 pounds and is about 16 inches long. She's starting to put on some fat, and is approximately the size of a head of lettuce or a coconut. That's one round baby!

This comparison is from 2 weeks ago, the night before my blood pressure skyrocketed. The difference in swelling in my feet and face is very noticeable. And belly looks bigger this week! Sidney is always cute.

Gestational Hypertension

Gestational hypertension, also referred to sometimes as pregnancy induced hypertension (PIH) is a condition of high blood pressure during pregnancy.  Gestational hypertension can lead to a serious condition called preeclampsia. Hypertension during pregnancy affects about 6-8% of all pregnant women.   

   --The American Pregnancy Association

The last 2 weeks have been a whirlwind. An unexpected one at that. Let's rewind. Andrew and I were planning on taking a babymoon, a mini vacation for just the two of us before baby comes, from Aug 1 - 4 (Friday through Monday). Thursday, July 31, I finished up work, went grocery shopping, got a pedicure and headed home. I had borrowed Nanny's blood pressure monitor after a slightly high reading at my appointment that Wednesday, but was assured it was probably a fluke and we'd be fine. But just in case I was instructed to take the monitor on the trip to keep check on it. When I got home Thursday evening I plugged up the bp monitor and tested it out, to make sure if worked. What do you know? High reading! I don't remember the exact number, but somewhere around 155/95 (140/90 is considered high). I waited about 30 minutes and retook it. Even higher. I think around 165/95. Cue mini freak out. Andrew was working and would be at work until about midnight. I texted my mom and asked her what I should do. Could it be the wrong cuff size? Could the machine be malfunctioning? Could my pressure really be that high? We decided the best and safest option was to go to the fire department down the road from my house to have them check it.

I arrived at the fire station around 8:45, pretty flustered and nervous. The kind men at the station listened to my rambling explanation of why I was there and put the cuff on me. Guy did the reading, had a confused look on his face, inflated the cuff a bit more and said, "Well, it's definitely high." Like 198/120. I was told I needed to go to the hospital immediately. Those numbers are dangerously high. They knew I was alone and asked if I needed a ride, but I assured them I was ok to drive myself. Luckily the hospital I will be delivering at is only about 10 minutes away, less if I need to be there quickly. I thanked the guys, got in my car and headed home to grab a few things since I had no idea how long I would be at the hospital. I got my phone charger, a change of underwear, my glasses and some contact solution. Just the necessities. I called my mom to tell her what they said. Midway through the conversation I lost it. I just started crying. I couldn't reach Andrew, was worried for mine and Hannah's health and was alone. She said she would head to the hospital right away, and I did to.

I arrived at Labor & Delivery at 9:30, checked in and was put in a room with 2 beds for observation and monitoring. They were just getting me hooked up to everything when Andrew returned my 15 calls. I told him something along the lines of, "My blood pressure is really high, I'm in the hospital, the nurse is trying to take my blood pressure, I need to go." I was rocking a sweet hospital gown, a monitor for a Non-Stress Test (NST) to keep an eye on Hannah, a contraction monitor and a blood pressure cuff. They took urine samples, multiple vials of blood, bp readings every 15 minutes. The works. Mom and Kristina arrived shortly after I was situated and helped keep me occupied. Andrew apparently didn't understand the severity of the situation and didn't leave work after we spoke like I thought he had. I guess I was so quick on the phone he thought things were ok. After a late start he finally left work, only to end up getting stuck in the wrong parking deck. Poor guy. Mom bailed him out and he made it to the hospital about midnight. My blood pressure was down, but not enough. Hannah was fine and under no stress. She thought it was a party and showtime because she would not stay under the fetal monitor. She was moving all around and I had to keep readjusting the monitor to keep track of her.

At 12:30 am they gave me a half dose of a blood pressure lowering medicine, labetalol, since my bp had stabalized at a number that was still too high. I had to wait 2 hours after the dosage to see what happened. Finally my pressure got low enough to be released. I think it was about 130/80, something close to that. We got home about 3 am and passed out. I woke up early Friday to schedule an appointment with my OB, and was ready to see her at 9:00 after too little sleep. I let Andrew sleep in since he'd worked a double and sat with me at the hospital. I didn't think the visit would be all that important or bad, so I thought I'd be good on my own. I was mistaken.

After I got in the office and was talking to Dr. Rodriguez I realized how serious this was. She said my body was "heating up" and once it starts it usually progresses pretty quickly. Especially since mine started earlier than usual (apparently she doesn't deal with it until about 35/36 weeks most of the time), I was more at risk for it progressing. There is also a heightened risk for it to turn into pre-eclampsia, which is even more serious. She told me to expect to deliver within the next few weeks. I was 29 weeks and 2 days at that point. She said she would be happy (and surprised) if I made it to 34 weeks. I was sent for a growth ultrasound and ended up waiting almost an hour -- longest hour of my life. I was given instruction to complete a 24 hour urine sample at home, not to move around very much, monitor my pressure every few hours, and if it got over 160/110 to head straight to the hospital. 

I got home and had to tell Andrew all of this news, including what to expect with such a young preemie. We're talking the chance of a 1-2 month NICU stay, risks for cerebal palsy, blindness, and more for her, or stroke and seizure risks for me. Not good stuff. He knew I needed support because he just let me cry. He held me, I cried, we talked about it, and resolved to do the best we could to keep Hannah in utero as long as possible. He looked up foods that lower blood pressure, made a list and headed out to the grocery store. We stocked the pantry and fridge with the healthiest possible foods. While GH is a risk for any first time moms, coupled with my genetic disposition for it (multiple family members have high blood pressure, and mine was borderline high before pregnancy), my diet didn't help either. I have preferred salty foods and sodas over veggies and water. (Although multiple doctors have assured me there was most likely nothing I could have done to prevent this, and my diet did not cause it. But I doubt it helped). Andrew put me on a strict diet and the doctor put me on modified bed rest. No shopping, walking, I could take a shower, walk around the house as needed, but that was it. So we spent our 4 day babymoon at home worried about Hannah and my safety, rather than relaxing in the beautiful mountains of Blue Ridge, GA.

Now let's fast forward. The 24 hour urine sample showed protein in the normal range (236/300, so higher than it should be, but not a real concern just yet), which was great news. In the almost 2 weeks since all of this started I've gone back to work, but still have to take it easy. I check my bp every few hours. I can do short shopping trips, but slowly and calmly. My blood pressure averages about 145/88, give or take. It's a little higher in the mornings then lowers around lunch time. I've actually lost about 4 pounds (mostly water weight I'm assuming) since eating my new clean diet. Coworkers have mentioned that my face looks thinner. I feel better, Hannah is still a raver, and things are going well.

I go to the doctor 2 times per week, and will continue to do so until she's delivered. Once a week I do lab work, growth scan/amniotic fluid check, NST, urine samples, the works. While my blood pressure has been really good considering everything, it could easily spike at any time, or I could start showing protein in my urine which would probably be immediate hospitalization. GH can affect baby's growth or cause damage to my liver and kidneys, so we are being extra cautious and keeping an eye on everything. I told my OB that while I like her, I don't like seeing her twice a week. But we have to know what's going on in my body and with Hannah, so we are going with it. 

I've made it to 31 weeks, which is wonderful. Every day and week I stay pregnant is a huge step for Hannah's development. Someone told me that 1 day of life in a NICU isolette is equivalent to 2-3 days in utero. I'm not sure how exact that is, but it puts into prospective how important each day is for her. The doctor still doesn't think I'll go much past 34 weeks, and I definitely won't make it to full term, but I'm hopeful. If we can keep my blood pressure stable and no protein in my urine, we should be able to keep this up. Babies are considered full term at 37 weeks, so that's my hope, but even 34/35 weeks would be a much better start for our sweet girl. Obviously we don't want her to spend any time in the NICU, but we will deal with whatever happens. Andrew has been amazing throughout all of this. He's been my strength. We have also had so many friends and family offer prayers, support, help and anything we need, which makes us so thankful and humble. We are surrounded by some awesome people. And Hannah has a lot of people here on earth, and her angels, looking out for her. 

While neither Andrew nor I are religious people, we do believe in the power of positive thoughts and prayer. We may not agree on to whom or where those prayers go, but I fully believe they are helping. They are helping my body stay strong, Hannah continue her development, and our sanity stay level. 

Please keep us in your thoughts as we try to make it as long as my body will hold on. 

For now we are holding on strong!